Its my Birthday!

Spent my birthday weekend cleaning up my room, watching Grey’s Anatomy Season 9 on Star World and having calls from work.

Maybe I should disappear for a while. Will that be good?

V’s sick but at work. Listened to him snore the past 2 nights and getting so frustrated. I kept telling myself that its not all about me……but…..really….?

I really hate to bother him but I don’t want to keep waiting and have him not come home and I’m just wasting my time staring into space.

Time to research on Hot Yoga and see if I’m game for it!!

Will you…..

……..still love me
when its three in the morning
and I’m crying so hard I can’t breathe?

……..still love me
when I coat pillows in mascara and eyeliner
because someone decided to remind me how worthless they think I am?

……..still love me
when I can’t handle being strong
and I find relief in abuse
instead of your arms?

……..still love me
when you know I have demons
constantly lurking my mind
just waiting to mess everything up?

Will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful?

You are my everything.

 

And every night while I sleep, the question has ceased to be “how do I love you?” and has become “how would I ever stop?”

Missing V a little more than usual tonight 😦

Here we go….

…again.

As much as I would like to have him around(even if it’s a Skype date) more often, the government wouldn’t allow it.

Everytime he mentions that he could die at any one time makes me so angry – because I don’t EVER want it to happen, frustrated – because I can’t do anything to stop/prevent this from happening and sad – because I really can’t imagine life without him.

Watched a couple’s vlog on YouTube about their lives(I’m boring like that) and felt……jealous.

Weird huh? Then I kepy chanting to myself, “don’t be so bitter Sam, what’s wrong with you?!!”

Abrupt ending while I text my boyfriend that I miss him very much.

OH with a quote that I saw on Tumblr….

“Today you sang for me
And it reminded me
Just how thankful I am
That you’re still alive”