Patience x Love

Don’t want to start my sentence with “love is” because we all have different perspective of love and sure, you don’t have to agree with me.

But this is my perspective.

We have five senses. Touch, smell, taste, feel and hear. Four out of five senses requires a physical action. From what I know, majority of people need those four senses for love. To me, the most important is to hear. To hear from my boyfriend is enough. Yup, I’m that easily satisfied. We don’t see each other much. Don’t get me wrong, we don’t live in different countries/states. We don’t live hours and hours away. In fact, we live maybe 30 minutes drive away from each other. Singapore is SO small.

Why don’t we see is other as often? His job. I don’t know how to put this in “safe” words but he’s in the army with high security. I say I’m fine by it but in actual fact, I’m Dying. With a capital D. I’m one of those girls that need affection and attention. The girl who needs their boyfriend to be on call at all times 24/7. The girl that imagination goes wild if their boyfriend goes missing for 5 hours, but actually he’s sleeping.

Till I met him, everything changed. Mindset, tolerance and my whole perspective on love. His job is high risked, so life is in danger. One life, that’s all you have and my boyfriend is putting it all on the line. I’ve learnt to let go. It gets frustrating at times but I bite my tongue and tell myself to stop it. Stop being so obsessive and he’ll come home when it’s time.

Just sleeping on Skype, hearing him snore(we renamed it to “slow rock” or “metal music” or “rock concert” because snore is too….. Crude? Lol) or fumble, fidget or sleep talk, mumble or groan about his aching knee….. That makes me happy. Despite him falling asleep while I’m happily chatting, I understand that he’s tired and wouldn’t intentionally fall asleep.

He waits for me to get home at 4am after a girls’ night out even if had a long day at work. He gets angry with me for my childish ways but forgives because there’s more that fighting in this relationship. Never have I given so much in a relationship. Patience is one of them. One thing I seem to lack before I met him.

Patience x Love. That’s what love is to me.

To me, waiting for him to come home after a 2 week mission and hearing him having his “metal concert”, that is love. Not only did it lull me to sleep….. It also told him that he’s still alive.

I love you V. In so many ways.

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I chose to be with him. Despite his absence and insecurities that will be inevitably instilled. Love is patient. 10 or 11 or 12 days gone at a time. You’ll be a ticking time bomb but once he’s home, it will be worth the wait. Love does not insist in its own way – I can’t stop him from going on his missions. That’s what he signed up for. The beam in his eyes when he talks about work. Job satisfaction he calls it. I’m so proud of my man. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and does all things – words I live by, days without him. Its been a rough year together. Whole lot of ups and downs and all arounds. Wish he’s here by me as and when I want to but that isn’t the case. Stopped and cry then pulled myself back together. He’s gonna be fine, I chanted.

95 + 1

96 hours. How long more are you going to let me wait, darling? I think will slowly go crazy if I keep counting the hours but that’s the best I can keep myself actually sane.

Goodnight goodbye I love you everyday.

Mon amour

I can’t make easy words of, I love you, into a full paragraph of so much feeling and emotion.

Unlike others’ priorities, I don’t need first to be in your arms or smitten with your kisses. I just want you to be safe and sound. Hear your voice/laughter/snores. Know you’re alive and well. Missing you greatly.

You’ve been gone too long my love. This is the part where I tell myself not to cry.

You’re alright. You’re safe. You’re coming home to me.

364 plus 1

365 spectacular days with you. Incredible I must say. Met a man and became a boy in my arms. Usually you meet a boy and they become a man overtime but this….. This is something special.

I could type out a whole sappy story but in actual fact, I’m too lazy. In my heart and in my mind is what matters most. 

One day a year to recognize 364 other days of putting up with me, it doesn’t seem fair. Happy first anniversary mon amour x 

Always, all ways.

Waiting

Spend half(what it feels like) my life waiting for people, things to get done, food, transport…. I could go on. Like right now, I’m waiting for V to get home. Knowing that I’ll fall asleep while waiting and wake up without a text from him, I still wait. Sick and hungry and pining for him. That is not what I envisioned myself to be. 

Nose dripping and a solid fever, all I want is for him to be at my side. Even though he’s tired, I’d make do with his slow rock snoring and sleep mumbles. Or just the breathing. Breathing is good. Or maybe to know that he’s alive would be the best. Ah ok the possessive girlfriend has been unleashed.

Currently shopping online for candles. Candles ok, not clothes. I’m done with that for the year. Maybe-ish. Hehe. Great christmas presents, I feel! 

Abrupt end to this post because I don’t have the feel anymore. Just recently I signed up for twitter again and I just wasn’t feeling it!!! 

Okbye.